Tom, say it ain’t so: wobbly drunk, going diva on social media

Updated Monday, February 22, 2021

The most memorable pass Tom Brady threw this year came after his seventh  Super Bowl championship.  He was standing, none too steadiy, in his yacht that was part of the celebratory parade on the Hillsborough River near downtown Tampa.  He tossed the Lombardi Trophy 10 yards underhanded, and Cameron Brate, sure-handed tight end that he is, caught it.  Good thing he didn’t throw it to Chris Godwin or Ronald Jones.

Brady’s extended shovel pass ignited controversy.  Too much risk-it of a very special biscuit, the one and only 55th Lombardi.  The river was 80 feet deep with inhabitants that include alligators.  An off-target throw would create a challenge for scuba divers.

There is now much laughter at Brady’s expense.  J.D. Martinez arrived at the Boston Red Sox camp wearing a T-shirt bearing the image of a drunken Brady about to heave the trophy.  

In a Saturday Night Live impersonation, Brady clutches a beer bottle and proudly says he “tossed the Lombardi Trophy around without a care in the world.  The trophy has a football on it.  What else am I supposed to do with it, punt it?  . . .  I’m taking this bad boy around with me pretty much everywhere.”

It’s a side of Brady that hasn’t been seen or even imagined since he was a fluffy senior at the U of Michigan heading for the fifth round of the NFL draft.  

Public Intoxication is a crime in some states, though not in Florida.  Criminal or not, it does not enhance the NFL brand or, for that matter, the TB12 brand.  

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback has made a lucrative second career out of being a health guru with his own recipes and a line of products.  He’s a confirmed non-drinker obsessed with nutrition.  Yet he was, by his own admission, buzzed by tequila.  Avocado tequila, he haltingly tweeted, but I think he was joking.  

I love tequila even more than I love football.  I don’t think either is best enjoyed on a moving boat.  I’ve been to Jalisco, tequila’s birthplace, explored the tequila industry as much as I could afford to do it.  Of all the tequilas I sampled, none was made from avocado. 

I did see a couple of people drinking tequila in a glass that had large chunks of fresh avocado.  Perhaps that’s what Brady meant.  Or perhaps he was, in his altered state, confusing avocado with agave.  I’m just glad he didn’t need an abogado, which is lawyer in Spanish.  

At any rate, I don’t like seeing him needing assistance so he can keep walking in the afternoon.  This is not the image we want our kids and grandkids to see.  Say it ain’t so, Tommy.

And that wasn’t the last of his flawed victory tour.  He posted videos of talking heads making inaccurate predictions about the fading of the 43-year-old immortal.  Please, Tom, nobody wants to hear I told you so.

Suddenly it’s popular to skewer the GOAT.  Even character traits that were regarded as virtues are now being shaded.

Shannon Sharpe, former All-Pro tight end, said on Fox Sports’ Undisputed that Brady should not be praised for signing a procession of contracts with the New England Patriots that were less than they should have been.

“Tom should have thought about the betterment of other players,” Sharpe said.  “Taking less money than 14 other quarterbacks was unselfish on his part, but he suppressed the market on his own team and caused damage throughout the league.”

Sharpe considers Brady a tool of NFL ownership, more committed to serving their purpose than the interests of his fellow players.  I think he’s being a bit harsh.  The NFL has a real salary cap that limits what teams can pay their employees.  Brady’s choice to take a smaller slice of the pie is hardly a blow against his teammates.

What Brady has always had going for him is charming humility.  He is, as Buccaneers coach Bruce Arians has noted, “one of the guys.”  Brady makes a point of seeking out all the rookies and practice-squadders and introducing himself.

In New England he was oblivious to whatever criticisms anyone had of him.  It was never about him, it was about team.   He always acted appropriately in public.  

In Tampa, he’s veered off that narrow Belichickian path.  He violated local protocol law with some of his practice sessions in city parks.  And when the season is over he boozes and cavorts on a yacht where the passengers are not wearing facemasks.  At a time when his coaches and teammates are vowing to “keep the band together” and repeat their championship run in 2022, Brady seems uncharacteristically self-indulgent.