AL’s finest pitcher, Lance Lynn, continues to bear too heavy a load

Watching the Field of Dreams game, I was struck, as was everyone, by the beauty of the setting.  The luscious cornfields, the greenest grass ever.  This is Iowa?   

But I couldn’t take my eyes off Chicago White Sox pitcher Lance Lynn.  I couldn’t take my eyes off him because he covered the entire television screen.  He’s significantly larger than he was the last time I saw him pitch, a couple of months ago.  He’s 6-foot-5 and reportedly weighs 280 pounds.  I’ll take the over on that.

But with betting on baseball becoming increasingly acceptable (forget reducing time between pitches; we gotta wager on the next swing), I’m not otherwise betting against Lance Lynn.  He’s the Vegas favorite for the American League Cy Young Award.  He leads the league in earned-run average (2.26).  By a lot.  He’s larger than life in multiple ways.  

You’d expect batters to take advantage of his lack of mobility by bunting at him, but he’s astonishingly adroit and quick with the glove.  

Still, I wonder how long he gets away with his extra ballast.  As a cautionary tale I present one of the most respected umpires of the 1990s, John McSherry. 

After a night game in Wrigley Field, some of the Astros and the media traveling party were having drinks near the team’s hotel.  Pitcher Mike Hampton, 22, handsome and well coiffed, walked up to the bar and was immediately addressed by a devilishly grinning McSherry: “Well, look who’s here — Elvis.”

Hampton shot back: “Hey you fat bleep, why not mix in a salad once in a while?”

Hampton’s teammates quickly let him know he’d insulted the umpire who’s calling balls and strikes in the game he’s pitching in a few hours.  Hampton could not apologize fast enough.  

The next day, McSherry broadly grinned again at Hampton prior to his first pitch.  The lefty later said, “I was surprised, but he was very fair to me.”

McSherry was widely beloved but paid the price for being too wide.  He was 6-2, 328 pounds, and he died of cardiac arrest while umpiring a game in Cincinnati in 1996.  He was 52.   Doctors had warned him for at least five years that obesity was stressing his heart.

But of course, this is America, the fattest country in the world, land of rampant eating disorders that are rare in most other countries: obesity, anorexia, bulimia. 

Our grocery shelves are stacked with chemically laden foods that never expire.   Airwaves urge us to eat this toxic junk, much of it mislabeled “light” or “heart-healthy.”   Why do we have an FDA?  Does it actually do something?  

By the way, do you ever see a commercial featuring fresh broccoli or tomatoes?  If we can ban corporations from advertising tobacco and whiskey on television, why not stop them from pushing processed foods that not only make us fat but diabetic?  

How often do you see a skinny person drinking diet sodas?  Like, never?  Scientists say the laboratory-created sugar replacements do not prevent the body from craving real sugar.   So we get fatter and sicker as we diet.  I’m not suggesting we give up our cherished freedom to die.  But we should know that we die younger, on average, than people in 35 other countries.  American exceptionalism, indeed.

What annoys me about Lynn is that whether he wants to be or not, he’s a role model.  I used to tell my son that if he wants to be an athlete he must eat right.  I wonder how many 12-year-olds see Lance Lynn as proof that it’s OK to stuff your face with everything you find.  If Lynn can’t control his weight at 34, what are the odds he does it at 50?  That’s why I mention John McSherry.  The clock is ticking.

Lynn knows he has a problem.  Six years ago he admitted that his knees, back and hips were aching, and he realized they were strained by an overload of 50 pounds.  

So he hired a chef to come into his home and teach him and his wife how to use herbs, garlic, olive oil and ginger and other spices to prepare dishes that are both nutritious and flavorful.  

Lynn gave up pizza and beer.  He avoided alcoholic cocktails other than vodka-and-water.  The changes worked.  Within months he had slimmed to 239 pounds.

But he failed to sustain that level for long.  He attributed the backsliding to eating on the road, where he didn’t have his customized menus.  So he gradually abandoned his commitment to health. 

Having been the Houston Chronicle restaurant reviewer for 12 years, I don’t believe it’s difficult to find tasty, low-calorie, low-fat food in American cities.  Think fish.  Or vegetables and tandoori chicken in Indian restaurants.  Or, as Mike Hampton, sage beyond his years, recommended, salads.  

I’m fortunate that many years ago a physician advised me: “If you want to be underweight and healthy, eat Asian food.”  

Instead of American ice cream, I buy Japanese mochi (now available in most supermarkets).  It’s less sugary, but in my opinion the Vietnamese coffee mochi is as flavorful as the far more popular Blue Bell homemade vanilla. 

It’s true there have been many successful overweight pitchers besides Lynn.   Among them: Wilbur Wood, Mickey Lolich, Charlie Kerfeld, Bobby Jenks, Rod Beck, Sid Fernandez, Livan Hernandez, Bartolo Colon, CC Sabathia.  

As far as I know, none of these men claimed their paunches enhanced or extended their careers or in any way improved their lives.   

Lynn admits his lack of conditioning limits his stamina.  For his 11-year career he has a total of four complete games.  Only four times this year has he pitched in the seventh inning.  He ranks fourth on the White Sox staff in innings this season. 

But they have a deep, talented bullpen and an explosive lineup, so they’re in first place by double digits without needing lengthy outings from Lynn.  The team’s management doesn’t seem worried.  A month ago they extended his contract for two years and $38 million.  Should they be considered enablers?

I don’t want to be accused of fat-shaming as I complain of insurance rates rising because of my fellow Americans’ eating habits.  Food can be an addiction the same way alcohol and tobacco and other substances are.   But let’s not make that an excuse.  There are physical-fitness trainers, psychological therapists and dieticians to help anyone with Lance Lynn’s problem.  Unfortunately, more than 100 million Americans –- children as well as adults — share that same problem.